FAQs
What do I talk about?
We will begin wherever you are at, and I will stay with you. Together, we will get messy by actively processing your conscious conflicts, as well as some dissociated experiences that may come to mind, and by locating your associated feelings and integrating them with your thinking—without a timeline and without judgment. For couples, we start by naming the conflict or issue and learning to take turns openly sharing your feelings in a safe space which will invite empathy from your partner.
Do I have to lie on the couch?
It’s up to us to see how we work best in our unique collaboration. Some people prefer to refrain from direct eye contact in order to explore the interior of the mind more deeply, while others wish to sit up, face to face, because the loss of eye contact is disorienting. The aim is to find whatever feels the most comfortable and freeing for your own personal exploration. Either way, I am an active participant. While working remotely, I use a HIPAA compliant video platform called Doxy, or the phone for those “on the couch.”
Does whatever happens in therapy really stay in therapy?
Here, your private life is safe with me and absolutely confidential, and there will be no issue too big or too small to explore: trauma, identity, sexuality, family dynamics, attachment issues, fantasies, the meaning of life, and all of the unexamined or even cliché (but true!) in-between.
What will be expected of me? Should I keep notes?
You won’t be given homework—because you’re a grownup—and your only task will be to do your best to put into words whatever comes to mind in session. Our noticing together the unconscious dynamics that naturally emerge in your patterns and speech will help you to express the truth of your experience.
For couples, discovering shared unconscious beliefs about the relationship will be a large part of the work, as well as naming and understanding the emotional vulnerability underlying each conflict.
My family thinks that I’m just feeling sorry for myself and need to get over it. What if it just makes me feel worse to talk about myself incessantly?
You will process and grieve what may have been missed in your upbringing and learn how to properly care for yourself in the holding presence of another, and that is the healing. You won’t be reparented because adults may not be parented. Loved ones who haven’t addressed their own pain often try to prohibit such dangerous exploration in others. They may fear your abandonment. You may feel worse, at first. You will never get over traumatic pain, but you will learn to integrate and heal.
How long do I have to commit to feel better?
We will proceed at your pace for as long as you gain meaning from our work, which we will regularly assess and revisit, together. For individuals, it generally takes six months to a year to get into the thick of your issues in living, and the longer you stay the more you will learn about yourself and begin to change, but any length of time will be worthwhile. Your insights will be lasting and will continue to evolve in meaning on your own. For couples, we may see what is happening in the first session or two, and we will reassess as we go along.
What can I expect to gain?
A stronger sense of self and aliveness. Self-compassion. Courage. Confidence. Agency.
A clearer understanding of your relational patterns and recurring conflicts that you may have never noticed, as well as dynamics that you may have already recognized and want to change.
Familiarity with your patterns and emotions and the development of new ways of managing both.
Identify which relational dynamics are outdated and no longer serve you, opening you up to more freedom and choice in living.
Awareness of ways of relating that attempt to master past relational traumas.
Internalization of your own authority, as opposed to comparing yourself to others and seeking external validation, paying close attention to your own self care, which includes the setting of boundaries and identifying and meeting your own needs, rather than unconsciously hoping to change others.